i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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