I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
