I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
