It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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