So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
