The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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