perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
