It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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