Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
