i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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