my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
