Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
