I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
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Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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