If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You made out with two different species that night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize