Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
