I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
