I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have fence marks all over my body
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
