This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
