Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
