I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
