I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
