I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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