dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My boob is missing a layer of skin
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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