Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
