I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
