It's like God shit irony all over that family
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
