so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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