i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
