mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My feet surprised me
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