so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
True strength comes from lack of pants
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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