Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize