2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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