I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
