Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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