im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Holy shit dude........stairs
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
