the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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