yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
