You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
