I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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