We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
