im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
