Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Floor bacon is actually really good
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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