wrigley field is MILF paradise
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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