lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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