Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
