Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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