your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
