So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
