If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
