its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
