just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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