I just made out with a guy for $7.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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