Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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