He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
