When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize