1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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