he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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