help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
