hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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