dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
