just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
