remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have feelings that need drinking.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
