I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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