So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
