She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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