If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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