just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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