She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
